You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
