there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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