just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The uberlube is also flammable
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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