i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
