Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
