We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
