hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
