I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
