Porn is love you can see.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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