Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
