If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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