I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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