You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
be right there i have to get my cape
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
