I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
