Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
