return my video game
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
