So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
