I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
