Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
