i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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