He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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