Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
