I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
