Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize