I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
