I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
