i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize