just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
