I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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