dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
