thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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