i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I could make wine with my vomit
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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