It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I smell like Dick and happiness
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