I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
