dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
