All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
