I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Randomize