he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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