Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
