TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
