What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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