I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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