I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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