My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
