Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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