I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
