he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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