she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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