How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jerry, you need to find god
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
