I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
