cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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