I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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