I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the gays at disneyland are vicious
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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