Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
