im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
