She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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