I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
