I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
