You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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