I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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