I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
