It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
