Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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