if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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