Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
